After a heated argument or during a long dry spell, couples are tempted to wonder why they got married. What attracted them to each other in those early weeks or months? How did they end up tying the knot even though they are so different? Here are some ways to rekindle the flame.
The hardest phase to find time for each other during a relationship is when the kids are small, but it matters. For the next few years you are going to be Jane and Jimmy’s mom and dad and you won’t have names of your own. Even an hour together without the kids is a chance to see each other not just as parents but to remember you are people with unique identities. Just don’t talk about the kids constantly.
Choosing Date Night
Pick a place to go and an activity that reminds you of the early days. Did you meet playing tennis? Were you on opposing volleyball teams? Maybe you share a love of music or theater. Go back to the beginning and take part in something you both genuinely enjoy.
Changing over Time
Ten years ago you both loved hiking. Now, you want to try something else. It’s okay to change and select new areas of interest. What happens to rekindling memories of old times when past activities fail to spark a flame?
There’s more to those early days in a relationship than what you did: setting can also be a romantic reminder. Can you return to a place that has meaning in your life? Perhaps a trip to the same holiday location where you met is feasible but you’ll engage in different activities while there.
Maybe you can’t return to the place you met due to time or money constraints: is it possible to recreate that location at home? Decorate the basement with colored lights, play some Cher, and challenge each other to a game of poker. Put your heart into it and pretend you’re back in Las Vegas even if it’s snowing outside.
Small but Noticeable
Every so often take time to tell the other person what is special about him or her. You did that at the wedding reception when you gave a toast. Friends were bored by all the great things you said about the other person when they could hear wedding bells but you didn’t. The early work of attracting an individual paid off, but the real work is only just beginning. Don’t slack off once the wedding ring is on. Memories of good times fade too quickly, so create new ones. Write love notes and leave them in a partner’s lunch bag or wallet where he or she is sure to find them. Say things you mean so they are believable.
First Wisps of Interest
In fact, maybe those notes should include comments about why you fell in love in the first place. By taking time to write them down you are also forced to remember them. That’s a good way to rekindle feelings of attraction and make the other person feel loved simultaneously.